STEM is FEM together with the United Nations Population Fund held a lecture for the girls on the danger of abusive relations
STEM is FEM in partnership with the UNFPA in Ukraine held a lecture for high school girls called “(Not) little things in relations” as part of the campaign “Break the cycle”. The meeting was devoted to such (not) little things, one should pay attention to, so as not to get into a sad story.
«When we face a new person, potentially a partner, it is rather difficult to recognize an abuser in him. That comes down to initial markers, details, which could be seen at the onset of relations, being ambiguous ones. An example of such marker is disregard to the previous partners. Nobody knows the whole story; the previous partner may have done something terrible indeed. But abusers will always be contemptuous about every their ex. Another marker – over-protectiveness – necessity always to know, where you are and with whom, what you are doing, trying to control you, which the person attributes to caring about your well-being. Pay attention to whether the person reacts aggressively to little things, going wrong around him. Such things should be taken into account, kept an eye on, whether they relate to everything or to a single thing and whether this single thing is your relation”, - told lecturer, psychologist of the UNFPA project «(Not) little things in relations» Olga Avramenko.
In addition, she emphasized, that even while having the strongest crush, it is important to be in touch with the family and friends, people who would let you have a more critical look at the relations. Ms Olga also advised what to do, when a person in such a relationship has addressed you.
“When a person approaches you over her relations, it is very important to choose your words. A person, we are not familiar with, is not likely to approach us on those matters. These are likely to be close friends or acquaintances and we know best, how to communicate with the person so as not to hurt or alienate her. If there are clear signs of abuse, you had better give a hint first. Get a reaction, whether she has started thinking about that. If she has taken it seriously, you can speak about that further. Speak of the emotions of that exact person. Don`t ask “why are you still with him?”, “why are you tolerating so long?”. These questions are all the more traumatizing and they shift additional responsibility on that person. They don`t make any difference, but trust to you will be shaken and chances for the person to get out of the relations without pain will be lowering”.
The information company “Break the circle” is part of the UNPFA program, directed at a comprehensive approach to solving the problem of abuse towards women and girls in Ukraine. It seeks to support the process of strengthening national mechanisms for the prevention and reaction to gender-motivated abuse.
The full record of the lecture can be watched on the STEM is FEM Youtube channel.